How wasteful,
Selfish
And little
It had been
Of me
To waste such energy
To spit disgust
Onto these limbs
That have carried me
So fearlessly
Through it all,

As if i had the power
To bend bone

i laugh at all my
Failed past attempts
To change the course
Of these veins
Inside me;
I have learned to
Love my body
Like my mother
And celebrate,
The way my chest
Still beats
After trying to
drown my lungs
In judgement


I have made a new friend
Today
And we breathe together
In the same pace,
into a place
Of healing

Exhale into my mouth
With the promise
That your love 
Will not fade
Together with
The sunset

Vomit rancid moans
Onto my chest
As if reciting the poetry
I never had the guts
To show you;
Let the contents of
Your stomach nourish 
The parts of my limbs 
Which scream the most
At night;
Let its aroma
Fill me up
With the promises
We made
A time long
Long ago
Where you didn't
Have needles
For hands



There are days where i still catch a glimpse of you;
Playing behind my curtains; you seem to linger
Throughout my house,
Like sunlight in the morning
You seem to coat my room
And my lungs
Like heavy dew 

On nights
Where i tie my endless
Veins
Into knots
As if trying 
To terminate 
T h i s g h o s t o f y o u
Still lingering
And haunting
my weary bones;

On nights
Where i wish your hands,
Were my hands,

I chew you

Into orgasm 

And spit you out
Just to swallow
You back in
Again 
As if the pain
Of your absence 
Wasn't
Harsh
Enough 

1.  I slither the streets
Late at night
Apologies spilling out of
My ribs
Seeing people and faces,
Where faces and people
Shouldn't be
I hear his music leaking outside
A strangers window
I disintegrate 

I smoke in memory of you
So that the stench of
Why we were so 
Venomous
Never really leaves 
This place
For i seem to find myself
Waking up in the middle
Of the night,
Wondering
Why my house
Is still on fire 

Impregnate  me with your ink

 As i could see myself giving birth
To a masterpiece 

I have confessed upon your hips
About breaths shared unholy;
And i lay awake
Night after night;
Breathing gospels into my thighs
As if i could mimic the way your hands
Use to burn like ice water
on my
            L
                 I
                    M
                         B
                             S

And oh,
how they
yearn for you

Please tell me you had noticed the way your vocal cords vibrate
on my fingers
Because every time you speak my name, There would be an earthquake 
inside the marrow of my bones, baby,

I have forgotten how to love, but fear not for
My fingers learn faster than my heart

I have always been a ghost, my love
I am the mist that surrounds your heart,
Perhaps you have never felt the tenderness of my lips,
I have always been inside your head, my darling

I have tried to tell you, I do not exist

I am your fiction, I am your false idol
I will always feel like fog inside your eyes

I have never been your garden
For flowers need water to grow
And your hands keep dripping
With sand

I had no wisdom about the frail locks of my
Hair getting tangled inside of his thumbs.
The excitement was the distance
And how we placed our minds away
From our shells,
Outside his car,
still dangling from the trees near the pond
Where my soul seems to reside.
I kept telling him, on that cold hazy night where
His kiss tasted like salty tears and
Hands around my neck,

I will leave my love,

I have always known this,
you have not 

I will melt away in your hands,
and evaporate as fast as the night you found me
curled up in that distant corner. 
I have always wanted to ask, 

Does it hurt? Does it hurt when you touch me because

In time, 
When my hair will be dry and my mouth will be sealed,
In time, you will touch yourself and feel the cold places underneath
your arms where my body used to lay, and it will hurt
It will hurt like when the first time i ever got to taste the inside of your mouth;

Promise me that when i burn, you will not burn with me,

For winter comes again, and the cold leaves bitter memories

Drink me, my permission slip in pieces at your feet,
My mother always told me i deserved to be tasted,
Let me linger on your teeth;
Stain your smile
Pretend i was ever so present in your happiness 
Let me rot inside your cavities, build a nest on the underside of your cheek, oh god,
I will polish the words that come rolling off your tongue;
Pretend the skin they land on looked as pristine as mine
I will dangle from your tonsils; create a park inside your throat
I will climb down through your lungs; scream inside your veins, make you choke, 

I'll make you sin if she told you loving me was a mistake

Swirl me around inside your mouth, let me leave a bitter after-taste onto your
Tongue, lover, that will be the only reminder
That i had ever been there. That i had ever left.

He told me to look after myself 
A little bit more
And all i could Think about is
How could i ever possibly be
Sane enough to do that
Because i had felt the tides pull
A little bit stronger
And i have tasted my own blood in desperation
To find anything familiar 
Running through those veins

please lover, i have known immensely the absence of your presence 

And it sits beside me in bed every night; 
Curled around my fingers, I smoke you out
As it seems my lungs are on fire
And lover, please, i have tried to exile myself into a place
Where i am okay
And i am good
And the thought of being with you forever
Did not suffocate me  

There is a place,
Beyond skin
And bone
And flesh
And mind
You'll fine me
Waiting there

I'll be the light 
That shines 
The dimmest and
Smells like
Flowers

Come find me there
We can talk
About how flesh
Feels heavy

And how 
The heart
Can break
Under such
Weight

And we can share tips 
On how to make our bones
Into water
And how to make jellyfish
Out of our brains
And then
m m aybe you couldd 
n
ev
er
ca
ll
me
ag
ain

I am sorry that I cannot dim the hunger of my lust;
I must devour
Both me
And you
So i may be
At peace
With myself

And i think that is why
It never worked out
Between us,
And i am still trying to
Digest that 

Lover, before you leave,
Could you vomit all your sorrows
Back into my mouth?
I will puke it right back
With my own reasons on
Why we didn't make it out
Alive
And i will use it to paint
All the buildings around my city
As an other reminder that

Here i have loved, and here i have lost

And here i shall remain, a part of me

And in that, i am forever

Or nothing at all 

All i ever wanted to say was that i was sorry

I have never felt it as painful as it was, treading through my veins

On days where i'm making coffee, or rolling memories and smoking them,

I'm sorry about you trying to collect my melting frame

Into your hands

I keep leaking, always had

It was not your fault lover, that i could not tape up
All the gooey open wounds on my body
For staining your hands whenever i held on too tight,

This is me, I stain and i remain 

 For people still have to explain
why they smell so vividly of me
S t i l l 
After all this time

I breathe, in some form or another 

And on days where my bones
Will start to drip
Through your fingertips
Like salt running
Through your wounds
T R Y T O M O L D M E;
My leaking body,
Into a story where
I A M S O L I D;
And you were
Here

Even for the briefest 
Of moments

Where i could get to enjoy
A world where my hands
Did not leave burn marks
On your body 

It is July 6th now,

My lungs remain absent and feel as though 

replaced with a shipwreck 

Rocking gently as i breathe you out 

In hopes I can exhale you into existence  

Chew my flesh and gnaw on my bones,
Drink my blood and suck my veins dry,
Pick at my teeth and slurp my spit,
Cut my limbs and eat my lungs,

Fuck, i think i wrote about love again 

There were days where i would
Marvel at his rib-cage
Like a xylophone, I wish
I knew how to play the
Sound that came out of 
My mouth every time
He touched me 

             

My dear lover, allow me to rip your vocal cords out
And lick them like a straw,
Let me taste every word you've ever said,
Either layed upon another lovers body,
Or layed upon my own,

I want to dissolve you

Into the back of my throat

And leave traces of you onto my teeth,

So whenever i smile

I show the world

The last thing

I ever

Ate 

My sweet lover, i hope one day you will find 
Forgiveness, somewhere, in those palms,
To lay upon my wounds like salt
And swallow my cries with your mouth,
As they are the only apology,
my body knows how to give 

If you could see the way my lust runs like slime
Through my veins; I could have never loved you,
Even if i tried, even when i tried,
The streets close up around me like an hourglass 
Swallowing sand every time i dare to speak your name
I dye the pavement outside your house
I linger around you like a smell of rust
Every time that you think about me in disgust
I borrow into your intestines like
The parasite that i am 


..And i remember that wretched day;
How it sticks to my mind like tar
Your curtains giggling in the light breeze of July,
Taunting and teasing me as i lay my
Head onto your chest for the last time
The heavy light of that miserable sunset
Illuminating all the reasons why i have failed you,
Written all over your neck
Like claw marks that matched my nails

I bend over in submission,
The only love i know how to give,
Is love that i was taught 

There is too much ruin here, my love
To ever start to build the ship
That i have wrecked

I have insomnia because i see you every time 
i close my eyes

I have tried 
Tirelessly
Like never before, 
To suffocate the monster
That slumbers deep inside
My head, But every time
I wrap my hands around
It's wretched neck,
My
Own
Breath
Grows
Weak