I DIDN'T WANT ANOTHER TINDER LOVE

BUT I WAS TOLD THATS WHAT PEOPLE DO

WHEN THEY FALL OUT OF LOVE TOO SOON

BEING FAR AWAY ONLY MEANS ADVENTURE

BUT SAFETY IS WHAT I NEED THE MOST

MAYBE FROM A KID THREE TOWNS OVER,

WHO THE HELL KNOWS, I STAY UP LATE

THINKING OF YOUR HAIR BRUSHING AGAINST

MY OWN, I HAVENT MET YOU YET BUT ASK ANYONE

YOU WANT, THEY'LL ALL TELL YOU

I LIVE OUT OF MY OWN DAMN HEAD

I DELETED ALL HIS PICTURES THE DAY WE

MATCHED ONLINE

IT DOESN'T REALLY HURT WHEN HURT IS ALL YOU'VE EVER KNOWN

I DIDN'T WANT ANOTHER TINDER POEM

BUT I WAS TOLD THATS WHAT PEOPLE DO

WHEN THEY DONT HAVE THE BALLS

TO LOVE YOU BACK,

NO ONE EVER LET ME KNOW THAT

SORROW HAD A COLOUR; AND IT AWFULLY

MATCHED THE COLOUR OF HIS BONES

BACK HOME PROBABLY BREAKING

THE HEART OF ANOTHER,

11/29/2020 MARK THE DAY I PULLED HIM

OUT OF MY LIFE FOREVER, 

MAYBE I'LL GET MYSELF A KID FROM

THREE TOWNS OVER,

WHO PLAYS GUITAR AND LOVES THE SMELL

OF CLOVER, LATE AT NIGHT I TRY TO PRETEND

GREEN EYES IN AUGUST WAS A HOAX

IT SURELY MAKES ME SLEEP BETTER

BUT NOT AS DEEP AS HE DOES THOUGH,

FUNNY HOW LIFE WORKS,

ONE MINUTE HE'S CUMMING IN MY MOUTH

THE NEXT I'M FALLING IN LOVE WITH STRANGERS ONLINE

I OWE 5 PEOPLE A DATE

HE OWES ME BACK MY TIME

PEOPLE SOMETIMES LOVE IN DIFFERENT WAYS

BUT I GREW UP IN A WARZONE HOME

AND FIREWORKS FRIGHTEN ME

EVERY KISS HIT LIKE AN APOLOGY

WRONG TIMING BUT MAKE IT TWICE,

I TOLD HIM I'D BE LEAVING, 

BUT MAKE IT WITH EVERY GLANCE, EVERY SOLEMN TOUCH,

EULOGIES OF A FUTURE, NOW IN PAST,

I SWIPE RIGHT UNTIL MY EYES SHUT,

I GET A TEXT GOODNIGHT FROM ALL OF THEM

         1.  I eat all my vitamin D pills for breakfast,

I don't know when I'll see the sun again,

It winks at me sometimes behind the highway

That doesn't lead me to my home,

Keep trying to take pictures of it like I wont

See it tomorrow, because I wont 

I spend my days laying under artificial lighting,

It still feels warmer than your skin against my own

It's sad I know, But sad is all I've got now 

That I've left home,

           2.  My breath draws frost onto my windowsill,

I think about you often, rotting by the glass;

Haven't moved from here since I came home,

Incase you ever wondered how slow

The apple tree in my backyard

Is freezing to the core;

I'll let you know, for I sat sad by the door

On that cold October day, 

And haven't gotten up since 

          3.  I leave the pink note you wrote me,

Upon my nightstands light, late at night I go to sleep

Praying I wake up eaten by flames; the warmth reminding me

Of that hot summers day of my departure; 

My sleep is weary with frozen toes, In my dreams

You laugh at me in 44, 

           4.  Haven't made a snow angel yet,

The ice melts too fast on my burning tropical skin;

I sometimes lay in my backyard when my heart feels too heavy

And weak; I hope to burn 

A whole so deep,

I'd be back home overseas 

            5. I Actually have a porch now, 

I can lay and sleep sad on something I've never been

Sad on before, but the neighbor wakes me up

When he mows his lawn late at night,

Says the power is cheaper after midnight

I say the world is softer after midnight

And I sleep quieter during twilight now,

I think he stopped mowing his lawn so late at dusk

But it's winter now, and I can't sleep no more

And he can't mow his lawn in the morning 

Due to all the frost, We both don't like the snow

I tell him tales of a Sun that burns too low

And he asked me why I even left

So I never talked to him again

             6. Everything reminds me of you here,

You'd love the neighborhoods dog, she cries every night

At 3 am, I barely hear her over my own;

Keep waking up to the smell of salt, everything reminds me

Of back home, Never liked the ocean

Until I couldn't go

             7.   I wonder what you're doing now, 

Laying under a stolen sun,

Haven't seen it in my neighborhood for days

Back home sounds like a swear word now,

My father cries when I speak of it too much,

But I can't help it when I scream it 

In my sleep

             8.  I'll see my mother grow old through the phone,

I only talk to my therapist about this

I thought it would be a good idea

To pay someone to listen to me,

She thinks I carry the past too deep inside of me

I told her I need some time to think

I've left all my feelings overseas,

           9.  I've been smoking too much lately,

And drinking too much coffee, you'd be surprised at how much caffeine

An anxious mess can drink, but it's the only thing that ever made my heart beat

Faster than you ever could;

In a city where all the clocks have frozen,

I stay awake while your asleep and smoke

My days away like I've got so much left 
Of them to give, 

               10.  I think too much here, everyday

I would say goodbye to you,

In a form of a goodnight

And I sometimes stop and think

If that's the reason 

I can't sleep at night