AND AS CARELESSLY
AS EVER BEFORE

I DIPPED OUR
LOVE INTO A PLAGUE
OF A HEART;

SOUGHT SUN
IN THE PALMS
OF A SHADOW MAN

WORE MY LIPSTICK IN THE 
DARKEST SHADE OF REGRET;

DISINTEGRATE INTO THE SOIL
LIKE THE WORM THAT I AM,

SCREAMED LOVE INTO THE NIGHT
IN CASE HE WAS UP SMOKING 
ABOUT THE REASONS I WAS 

DANCED ON BRITTLE GLASS
AS THE SOUND ECHOED
OF A VOICE I ONCE
HEARD;

DRANK SPOILED MILK
AS THE TASTE OF MY
ADULTERY
BURNED HOLES
DOWN MY NECK


NOW EVERY TIME I DARE
SPEA
           K

                  WORDS KEEP FALLING
                      RIGHT THROUGH
                            TO MY KNEES

AND UNTIL I TIRE
I WILL
SPEA
          K

               UNTIL MY KNEES
                 BECOME THE POEM
                    I SO EFFORTLESSLY
                       SCRAPE ONTO THE PAVEMENT
                           OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE

There is a place,

Beyond skin,
Beyond bone,
Beyond flesh,
Beyond time,

You'll find me 

Patiently waiting


I'll be the light
That shines
The dimmest
And smells like
A familiar story


Come find me there,
We can talk about 
How flesh feels
Heavy

And how the heart
Can break 
Under such
Weight


And we can share tips
On how to live
With the pain
In our chests

And how to make
Eulogies out of
This ship wreck
Of a love


I can teach you how 
To leave, and you can
Teach me how to
Stay


There is a place,

I never showed you
Where it is, but you
Seem to find it
Every time you
Think of me


There is a place, 

That i still visit
From time 
To time
And I wonder
When you will,
Too

I'VE MADE FRIENDS
WITH A PIZZA BOX
BESIDE MY BED

A SINGLE PIECE OF OLIVE
DRIED UP TO A CRISP
SINGS ME TALES OF
THERAPY SESSIONS
I HAVEN'T DARED
TO ADMIT I NEED

MY FRIEND, A DRIED UP
SMUDGE OF
GARLIC SAUCE
INSULTS ME WHILE I WEEP

MY FRIEND, A STRING OF CHEESE
LOOKS OVER ME AS I SLEEP

MY FRIEND, A SINGLE PIECE
OF DRIED TOMATO
WAKES ME UP SO I CAN WATCH IT
SLOWLY TURN INTO
A CRISP,

THE PIZZA BOX
BESIDE MY BED

WATCHES ME EAT, WATCHES ME DRINK
WATCHES ME HAVE PANIC ATTACKS
WHEN THE WALLS START TO
CAVE IN

MY MOTHER NEVER TAUGHT ME
HOW TO FIND THE STRENGTH
TO CLEAN MY ROOM

BUT HER MOTHER NEVER TAUGHT
HER HOW TO TIE HER SHOES
SO I NEVER LEARNED UNTIL
I KEPT TUMBLING OVER AT SCHOOL

MY FATHER NEVER TAUGHT ME
HOW TO FIND THE STRENGTH
TO CLEAN MY ROOM

BUT HIS FATHER NEVER TAUGHT HIM
HOW TO CRY WHEN HE HAD TO
SO I NEVER LEARNED UNTIL
I HAD TO



IT'S BEEN FOUR MONTHS
SINCE IV'E MADE FRIENDS
WITH THE PIZZA BOX
BESIDE MY BED

MAYBE ITS TIME
THAT I TALKED
TO SOMEONE
ABOUT IT

My love, you have always been
The brightest star against the sky
I have ever seen
But there must come a time,
Where you shine so bright
That i mistake you for
The sun

We should have left our love

In the gutter where 

We found it, instead of 

Planting flowers and hoping

For the best

All good things must
Come to an end,
And i'd like to think
I was a good
Thing

How naive i had been
To believe you had the heart
And strength to love me;
A creature so heavy and
large it broke
Your arms

MAY THE FITTEST ONE
SURVIVE THE WINTER
MAY WE BLEED LIKE PLUMS
AT THE MOUTHS OF THE RICHER
MAY WE PAY WITH PAPER
FOR EXISTENCE
MAY WE REPLACE BLOOD WITH METAL
AND COMPLAIN ABOUT
HOW BITTER
THE RUST TASTES
AT THE END OF A TUESDAY NIGHT
WHERE YOU SIT AT THE EDGE
OF YOUR BED
SLOWLY
RIPPING THE MASK
OFF YOUR FACE
TO FIND THAT
YOU RIP PARTS OF
YOUR FLESH
ALONG WITH IT




WELCOME TO THE
REST OF YOUR LIFE
WE ACCEPT CASH
NOT CREDIT

Some days you make me feel
Like i gargle sandpaper,
In a failed attempt,
To scrape you
Off my teeth,


On other days,
I wonder if distance could have
The same effect as water,
Could the waves smother me
To sleep?
Could the ships ever imitate
The way you rocked yourself
Inside of me
On days where you still
Believed i was your
Restful ocean?


On good days,
I remind myself
That i have buried you twice,
And the third hangs around my neck;
Perhaps a poor reminder of
The rivers that once ran
Together with my veins;
I still feel a part of your hope
Sail together with
My heart every
Single night



On bad days
I am reminded of a reservoir,
Oddly in the shape
Of my palms,
Tides pull my hair
Back and forth
As if i could ever
Mimic the way your hands felt
Against my scalp,


As the waves tug
At my weary eye lids
On days where the reservoir
Runs empty;
I am reminded that
Water could have 
The same effect as
Water, and I've been
drowning in the empty
Pools inside
Your eyes
Since the day
I started counting
The good ones
And the bad

I wake up everyday,
Aghast at the reminder
Of my infertility


My hands,
Once a fruitful garden,

Had luscious plums
Waiting to be devoured
at the tip of your
Salivating tongue

Always at your command,
I would birth endless waterfalls
For you to wash
Your weary face in,

I would build
The very staircase
You tread on
To find my bellowing heart
After your own
Has failed you

Together with dirt
And with sweat,
I mold into existence
The very ground
I will soon burn
Us on

I shape, with my own
Two
Worn hands,

An agonizing safe haven

In which you rest
Your burned body
Every night
Together with the
Dying
Sun
I
Am
Reminded



Of now
I am reminded,


 Of a barren field,

A sea with a never ending
Sunset,

I dissipate at every
Touch of light
I create a drought
Every time
I sneeze
I am engulfed by the shadow
Of tomorrow;
My roots crack and boil
Under my ruthless heat

I merge together
With the walls
In a frail attempt
To stay solid;

As the ocean beckons
For me to untangle
My veins and
Let my dying blossoms
Rot together with
The idea that I could
Ever give birth to
As many ripe plums
You desired

On January the 14th

I was tired,

So I was on 

February 4th,

And March the 24th,

As I am on 

April 14th,

So I will be

Next month

And next year

And maybe in 10 years

If I will ever have
The blessing

To live the rest of my
Stale and restless days

Beside you

I taste salty
On your tongue
For every night
I marinate myself in my
Mothers lemon tears
And my fathers
vinegar sweat
So i may have the same flavor
As the  day i was born
After my throbbing skin
Begs to be put to ease
I dry up in the sun
And prepare to marinate
Myself all over
Again

As if  I was an

Endless highway 

He wanted his car

To break down on;
He sat across me
Vines and all,
Shadows of my grief
Sprawled against his face
Like a table cloth soaked
In milk; I covered his eyes
In a vain attempt to ease
The pain of my own
Suffering




Amidst the pale pink light 
Of the fading day,
It engulfed my face as the only lover
I had ever known
For eons now; The baffling expression growing
Inside his eyes
As to how the sun ever got so lucky 
To finish upon my face
Every night







''My dear, you make love to
A fantasy, every nightfall 
You dress up for a show
Without an ending, without a punchline
You dance naked for walls 
That only look, 
But never dance back
You give birth to rotten trees 
barren with ripe fruit
Love letters to the dusk 
As you save your tears in envelopes 
Waiting for the moon
To fall in love with you 
Back''




While he was here,
Faults and all,
Flesh against Flesh if I ever wish it to be true,
Solid against my palms like concrete, But the longer I look
Against his dimly lit pink face
The more mists surrounds 

Amidst the pale pink light 
Of the fading day,


I apologize kindly, As I need to evaporate now
Together with the light,
The moon, it beckons for me 
The walls, they sing for my aching limbs
There are love letters left to be written
Tears left to be saved


''There are many nights left for me
To be dancing together with my 
Barren trees, my dear 
Your forced absence cannot break
My heart, for I already broke it;
Cracked it like you would a walnut
Against your teeth; I must vanish now
Together with the sunset
I must disappear 
As fast as the 
Dying light
Of the day
Hits your
Face''

The smoke
Around your
face,
How jealous
I had been
Of it,
For it seeped
Ever so silently
From your lungs,
And let me
Tell you something
You probably
Didn't know,





What a
Luscious
Place
To be

I sleep in a hearse 
With a red dress on
I promised I would 
Make love to you 
In my casket 
As they ride us both
Into a grave I dug
The night i met you 

  I make love
   To some wires
     Molded into a box
       The keyboard
         The only solid touch
           My fingertips feel
             On nights where
               I touch myself
                 To electronic poems
                   That come rampant |
                     Through my dms
                       I orgasm in
                         01001010
                            Through your camera
                              As a sunrise hikes up the sky
                                To meet my face
                                  In the shape of
                                    Artificial lighting
                                      My body displayed
                                        In 34% brightness
                                         Through a screen
                                           You make me yours
                                             Hitting the escape button
                                              As i feel it through my thighs
                                                I explode on ctrl
                                                 
                                                  Alt me
                                                    Then dlt me
                                                     
             
                             

I had never expected the monsters under my bed
      To be the monsters inside of my bed

Teach a man 
To love himself;
And you shall see
The Earth become 
A Garden again 

He told me the place had the smell
Of an old church; 
And perhaps that was his way of saying
I had sinned one too many times
To even begin to ask 
For forgiveness

I melt like goo at your feet when it gets too hot inside my skin, Mother.
Much like a house made of wax, I soften under your furnace palms,
I stick underneath your temple soles as my candle walls come undone,
An offering to the only deity that had the courage
To carry my soul into its own;
An exchange for some tranquility in a battle-ridden home, for I've been finding
Rubble stuck in-between
My hair for years now,
I told you, Mama, It hurts when I breathe, Awaiting for your solace arms
To hug the blue rivers out of me; I told you, Mama,
It hurts when i breathe,
But as i lay my weary eyes onto your every gasping breath
Much like my own,
I try to imitate the way you have moved your chest up and down
For what seems like eons now,




A puppeteers hands replace your own,
As you teach me the art of impersonation,
And how to turn my lungs into
Two hot air balloons,

And I sometimes sit
Late at night
Gazing out at a
Moon that came
Before us,
Wondering what will happen
If i ever decide to poke
two
or three
little holes
into my chest



Will all the air
Come swirling out;
Like the ground underneath
Your feet
The day I
Was born,

Maybe i'll tumble,
Like your love
Over the years
Or maybe I'll
Meet you in a place,
With a different heart
And stronger lungs,

Maybe then i'd have
The courage to forgive you

We are 
Humans
With hearts
Bigger than 
Our bodies,
And that
Is why
We suffer 

MY DEAR, I AM BESET WITH REGRET
AT YOUR FEET
I HUNGER 
FOR YOUR 
DEFEAT
ERADICATE MY LIMBS
WITH YOUR TONGUE
AS IF THEY WERE YOUR OWN
I DRIP 
WITH ECSTASY
EVERY TIME 
YOU SPEAK
FOR MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME NAUGHT OF
HOW TO EXIST
B
E
C
A
U
S
E
MY KNEES, THEY SHAKE
AGAINST YOUR HANDS

MY HEART, IT ACHES
AGAINST YOUR CHEST

MY BONES, THEY BREAK
AGAINST YOUR FINGERS

FOR YOU MARVELED AT
MY CALAMITY OF YOUR MAKING
AS SOMETHING SO PRISTINE
IT IS MY ONLY VALUE,
MY ONLY VIRTUE;

BUT DO NOT FAIL TO
REMEMBER
THAT TWAS MY LIMBS
THAT BORE YOU
INTO THIS
DISASTER,
AND SO
THEY CAN
ERASE
YOU
AGAIN

I tumbled into
The deepest corners
of my mind
To find God
With open hands;
Only to find myself
Staring into a mirror
Grasping
At
My 
Own
Palms 

I will make you believe
That I am lovely;
I will make you believe
That nectar drips
From my very pores
Onto your skin,
Like flowers blooming
Out from my face
On a hot Summers day;
I will make you believe
That I paint myself for you,
And not for me

I will make you believe
That my fingers
Are not matches,
Setting your skin
On fire
Every time 
Our bodies
Collide

I will make you believe
That I Am a mere
Vocal cord
Pulsating against your throat;
Changing the pitch
Of her name
Every time you
Make love 
To a body
That aches
To feel 
Like
Mine 
Against
Your 
Hands 



But i will make you believe
That I am also restless,
My dear,
I will make 
You too; 
You have known
I had been
Since my birth

How could you
Have had
The audacity
To expect 
Me to stay silent 
In the eye of 
The night?
I had never been taught
Of such hostile and
Restrictive 
Things,
For i grew up
Treading through
Eggshells
During an age
Where my body
Had chains
For hands
And my legs
Had splinters
From rubbing off
On the cross 
I've been carrying 
For years now
Onto my back

But now, 
As i feel a shift,
I howl
At the moon
With all my 
Clothes
Off