Thursday, May 27, 2021

1.  Ontario, confused by the constant

Storm above my head, 

should have known
It would be winter, the weather forecast
Told me so, 


Nights so cold
I don't know where to go


When all I've ever known was sadness
Under a tropical sun, 


Now I spend
My spare time searching for
A big dipper; 
Forgotten way back home


Spends more time with you, more than
I could ever know, 







2. And I sleep on train tracks now
The rumble on my back
Reminds me of back home,
Roads so thin, you feel the vibration
of my longing all the way back
From the North pole, 


Been searching to be whole 
When I've left pieces of me overseas
Where I learned all my A B C's,



And how to breathe with 
My mouth closed;



Should have known it would be cold, 
The weather forecast told me so






3. Oh sweet Ontario, you swallow people whole
But I've got pieces of me left back home,


I get lost when I walk and people 
Smile too much;
You'd like it here, the winter keeps you home
And the weed keeps you stoned,
The streets don't smell like grime
And I'm the only trash walking down the line






4. Who knew change meant disappearing 
Two blinks and I'll be gone;

In my sleep I dream of Islands
Swallowed by tsunamis

In my wake I dream of Oceans not 
Covered in frost;

I wonder what you're doing back home,






5. The only difference is that I'm sad alone now, 
And not sad with you
And I don't know what's sadder, 

But it keeps
Me up awake 
At night,

It follows me like a curse everywhere I go,
From my front door to the porch


My therapist gave me pills for this

She told me to take 6 , I told her
Life is funny that way,







6. No one hears you when you scream back here
The snow swallows your voice much like
That night in the backseat of your car,


Your seat belt being a permanent imprint on my back,
And you, an imprint on my heart


I warned you it was wrong timing, but make it twice,
I break hearts for breakfast but at least I still loved you
With all my clothes on







7.  I still love you,
It's just that sometimes it's too much

I want to claw my skin off every time that I wake up

The skies are softer down north but much heavier
On my heart, 

Every time I see the day end 

I think of how much time we spent apart

Spaces feel smaller and the world seems a little more dark

Maybe Under a different sun, we would have never 
Lost our spark 







8. And if you knew back then, what you know now
You wouldn't sleep so much, we'd be making out
With bloodshot eyes at 2 am,  but someone told me that
Life is funny that way, and I never much believed it 
Until right now 
But it hurts us less this way, 

Is what I tell myself every week







9. The tv never stops playing in my house when I'm asleep,
The sound comforts me while I weep but I have work at 6 am,

And my therapist told me its healthy when I have a plan but
I haven't had my shit together in years, and I know you'd laugh at that

At least I still resemble the person you once knew, faults and all

But I guess that's a part of life, no one stays in the same place
They were born, but I still wake up every morning
With an ache in my gut, and a slant to my walk 
Due to all this hurt in my heart, and I often wonder why

I could never heal the past but maybe it's the only thing keeping you alive 
Inside my head, in the here, and not there

A ghost girl in a new hometown
Is a movie I've been watching on repeat 

You said I should check out ''4:44 the last day on earth'' but you had no idea
What that would mean, 6 months down the line when I would leave,








10. 6 months down the line when I would sink
Into the ground like the small seed that I am,

Grew so strong with so much force
Downwards into the mud in all the wrong directions

Wrong being away from you, but I haven't been watering

Myself for weeks now, hoping I could shrivel back into my roots

and dig myself through the mud right through to you








11. Oh sweet Ontario, you swallow people whole 
you make my knees grow cold, I hold the phone
A little too close, 




Everything reminds me of you here










Everything reminds me of you here








12. Constant reminder on my skin
Swallow tropical ink;
I may never be back
Home, my dear
I got it tatted on my chin









13. Oh sweet Ontario, you swallow people whole
But I've got pieces left back home, I smoke alone
I scream at every dawn, 





14. Oh sweet Ontario,
You swallow all of me whole
But I've got people waiting for me
Back home,