Another bleak winter arises

As swiftly as your love climbed

Onto my back,

Another echoless whisper combined

With all the words my trembling lips

Spilled heavy onto your own;

Have I ever had half the courage to

apprise you of my blistering lust

So rapid, yet fierce 

The way it put licking honey off a spoon, 

To shame

I gasped for you

In all the wrong ways

But fear not, and hold me close

Until dusk finishes on my face;

Another circus of love bred from 

My drought limbs, and yet I have searched

high, and even low, 

For a hand like yours

Amidst stone

As nightfall shields my eyes 

Like you would a weeping child,

I detest the cold 

As it reminds me of back home

And my soon to be

Departure 

I remember you,

Throbbing like a deep rooted scar;

As vaguely as the golden light leaves faux

Trails of your silhouette on a Sunday morning;

Taunting, almost, here, almost,

Bones like thick thistles 

And a mouth like sour milk,

Together with every reincarnating evening sun,

I atone for your fractured heart,

I birth effortlessly a desire for a 

hollowed hand,

Together with my ever growing torment

I will tirelessly mold us 

Into a robust statue 

So concrete; not even your solemn grief 

Can break and crack the likes of us 

I will build a shattered throne 

For your colossal 

heart to reside, on days 

Where the scorching winter snow

Burns holes through your soles and 

Trenches through mine;

I will make the distance feel like resistance 

And how my giant voice mimics the very breaking sound of

your own; a ghost of a touch

Vanquished by my rancid love

Bones like sour milk,

And a mouth like thick thistles;

Lust drowned like a bee

In honey, yet I have savagely loved you

With all my clothes on, 

Still

 Vocal cords like anchors at times,

What felt like ravenous humming birds
Beating their torn wings against my throat;

My love language was bone against flesh

And how the skin breaks gently against the lip;

soft hands, but rough intentions 

As I am reminded

That I have always been my very own absence,

And your very own presence, with every incoherent pattern 

My fingers would draw onto your hips;

Like love notes marrying our bodies

I feel as if 

There is a stone

Nestled in between

My ribs,

And yet strangely, 

If you place your hand

Onto my chest,

You can feel it beat;

Maybe it was the way

That I believed

That even heartless people

Can grow to feel

And grieve

 Date me-

I've got sad music

And soft lips

And hands made

For touching;

I like to eat cherries

In July and my name is 

Spelled in three different ways;

One for every time you 

See me cry in the shower

But we'll have lots of fun,

I swear, we'll sit and watch

The mold grow onto my plates

In my room, we can touch each other's

Bodies until I start to mend together with the wall

Behind you;

But don't ask me about my mother; shove your 

Fingers far down my throat so I can taste

Your last girl's love for you,

I've got a wine stained tongue 

That might be a little bitter,

Eyes so bright only in the winter,

Smoke too much and sleep

Too little;

We can both pretend 

We don't have an expiry date,

And hold me tight until we can't tell

Where you start, and I end

I scream at any mirror I see

And dig holes in my backyard

A little too deep;

Gonna need something to bury

Your love for me after you've had

A couple of drinks

I DIDN'T WANT ANOTHER TINDER LOVE

BUT I WAS TOLD THATS WHAT PEOPLE DO

WHEN THEY FALL OUT OF LOVE TOO SOON

BEING FAR AWAY ONLY MEANS ADVENTURE

BUT SAFETY IS WHAT I NEED THE MOST

MAYBE FROM A KID THREE TOWNS OVER,

WHO THE HELL KNOWS, I STAY UP LATE

THINKING OF YOUR HAIR BRUSHING AGAINST

MY OWN, I HAVENT MET YOU YET BUT ASK ANYONE

YOU WANT, THEY'LL ALL TELL YOU

I LIVE OUT OF MY OWN DAMN HEAD

I DELETED ALL HIS PICTURES THE DAY WE

MATCHED ONLINE

IT DOESN'T REALLY HURT WHEN HURT IS ALL YOU'VE EVER KNOWN

I DIDN'T WANT ANOTHER TINDER POEM

BUT I WAS TOLD THATS WHAT PEOPLE DO

WHEN THEY DONT HAVE THE BALLS

TO LOVE YOU BACK,

NO ONE EVER LET ME KNOW THAT

SORROW HAD A COLOUR; AND IT AWFULLY

MATCHED THE COLOUR OF HIS BONES

BACK HOME PROBABLY BREAKING

THE HEART OF ANOTHER,

11/29/2020 MARK THE DAY I PULLED HIM

OUT OF MY LIFE FOREVER, 

MAYBE I'LL GET MYSELF A KID FROM

THREE TOWNS OVER,

WHO PLAYS GUITAR AND LOVES THE SMELL

OF CLOVER, LATE AT NIGHT I TRY TO PRETEND

GREEN EYES IN AUGUST WAS A HOAX

IT SURELY MAKES ME SLEEP BETTER

BUT NOT AS DEEP AS HE DOES THOUGH,

FUNNY HOW LIFE WORKS,

ONE MINUTE HE'S CUMMING IN MY MOUTH

THE NEXT I'M FALLING IN LOVE WITH STRANGERS ONLINE

I OWE 5 PEOPLE A DATE

HE OWES ME BACK MY TIME

PEOPLE SOMETIMES LOVE IN DIFFERENT WAYS

BUT I GREW UP IN A WARZONE HOME

AND FIREWORKS FRIGHTEN ME

EVERY KISS HIT LIKE AN APOLOGY

WRONG TIMING BUT MAKE IT TWICE,

I TOLD HIM I'D BE LEAVING, 

BUT MAKE IT WITH EVERY GLANCE, EVERY SOLEMN TOUCH,

EULOGIES OF A FUTURE, NOW IN PAST,

I SWIPE RIGHT UNTIL MY EYES SHUT,

I GET A TEXT GOODNIGHT FROM ALL OF THEM

         1.  I eat all my vitamin D pills for breakfast,

I don't know when I'll see the sun again,

It winks at me sometimes behind the highway

That doesn't lead me to my home,

Keep trying to take pictures of it like I wont

See it tomorrow, because I wont 

I spend my days laying under artificial lighting,

It still feels warmer than your skin against my own

It's sad I know, But sad is all I've got now 

That I've left home,

           2.  My breath draws frost onto my windowsill,

I think about you often, rotting by the glass;

Haven't moved from here since I came home,

Incase you ever wondered how slow

The apple tree in my backyard

Is freezing to the core;

I'll let you know, for I sat sad by the door

On that cold October day, 

And haven't gotten up since 

          3.  I leave the pink note you wrote me,

Upon my nightstands light, late at night I go to sleep

Praying I wake up eaten by flames; the warmth reminding me

Of that hot summers day of my departure; 

My sleep is weary with frozen toes, In my dreams

You laugh at me in 44, 

           4.  Haven't made a snow angel yet,

The ice melts too fast on my burning tropical skin;

I sometimes lay in my backyard when my heart feels too heavy

And weak; I hope to burn 

A whole so deep,

I'd be back home overseas 

            5. I Actually have a porch now, 

I can lay and sleep sad on something I've never been

Sad on before, but the neighbor wakes me up

When he mows his lawn late at night,

Says the power is cheaper after midnight

I say the world is softer after midnight

And I sleep quieter during twilight now,

I think he stopped mowing his lawn so late at dusk

But it's winter now, and I can't sleep no more

And he can't mow his lawn in the morning 

Due to all the frost, We both don't like the snow

I tell him tales of a Sun that burns too low

And he asked me why I even left

So I never talked to him again

             6. Everything reminds me of you here,

You'd love the neighborhoods dog, she cries every night

At 3 am, I barely hear her over my own;

Keep waking up to the smell of salt, everything reminds me

Of back home, Never liked the ocean

Until I couldn't go

             7.   I wonder what you're doing now, 

Laying under a stolen sun,

Haven't seen it in my neighborhood for days

Back home sounds like a swear word now,

My father cries when I speak of it too much,

But I can't help it when I scream it 

In my sleep

             8.  I'll see my mother grow old through the phone,

I only talk to my therapist about this

I thought it would be a good idea

To pay someone to listen to me,

She thinks I carry the past too deep inside of me

I told her I need some time to think

I've left all my feelings overseas,

           9.  I've been smoking too much lately,

And drinking too much coffee, you'd be surprised at how much caffeine

An anxious mess can drink, but it's the only thing that ever made my heart beat

Faster than you ever could;

In a city where all the clocks have frozen,

I stay awake while your asleep and smoke

My days away like I've got so much left 
Of them to give, 

               10.  I think too much here, everyday

I would say goodbye to you,

In a form of a goodnight

And I sometimes stop and think

If that's the reason 

I can't sleep at night 

No matter how much water i drink,

I cannot drown out the taste of ash

That so bitterly reminds me 

My heart is on fire 

I haven't had a shower in days

In fear that the places 

Where you last touched

Will no longer smell like you

Because i know i stopped feeling your hands

On my body

A long time ago 

I don't wanna be a sad

Song anymore

The  one you listen to

When your hearts broken

On a Tuesday afternoon,

But i spent 9 months 

Inside my mothers belly

Listening to my fathers

Violent voice and my mothers

Weeping cries,

How could my heart 

Beat to any tune

Other than sorrow?

Said your tough love

Ached like a bruise

On my adolescent heart,

Said it shaped me into a 

woman of steel,

Into a woman of a boat,

Unbeknown of my rust filled hands

At the prime age of 21,

Said I will take you down

Like the anchor that i am,

Said on every birthday you mourned

Of a daughter you birthed out of 

A love passed down from your father,

Said my eyes tremble with

Every repressed emotion,

Said you never knew the difference

Between love and the bottom

Of a bottle, 

Said you ate heartache for breakfast

So that i can eat disappointment for lunch,

Said I walk with a slant due to a very large

Heart,

Said you sleep with regret every night

By your side, singing you tales of a time

Where your absence didn't burn holes

Through my eyes,

Said I forgave you a long time ago,

But i most hardly forget

Said my mind was like a haunted house,

It's only funny 

From the outside

Looking in,

Said i'll be gone before you blink,

Said i'll be mist amongst your feet,

Said the waves once crashing onto my knees,

Are now clashing onto my chin

Said i've loved you despite all of our faults combined,

Said i must go now, i must leave

Since that's the only thing

You've ever shown me

How to be

Said I'll be mist amongst your feet,

And i'll be gone 

Before you even blink

Since that's the only thing

You've ever shown me

How to be 

I am a dog
Being dragged 
On the asphalt 
By a leash

In the hands 
Of my master
I eat,
In the hands
Of my master
I preach 

Of a world
Not known to me
Other than shackles;

My bones displayed
Around the city,
Like i have a soul
To show,

People know my identity
From a name tag
That dangles from
My feet

I was born
With tire marks
On my hips
And i swallow
Cellphones for breakfast
In case you ever decide
To call when i'm
Not home

And if it's one thing
That God spared us some mercy on,
Was the silent prayers 
Of both yours and mine,
To have a little extra time
On our hands,
Before i leave like 
Smoke between your palms,
I've hated airports
Ever since I knew
I had to leave 

Born with her head 
In between her
Thighs, 


She never
Slept with a cross
Every night


Never prayed 
To get her
out of this grime, 


Her skin the color
Of the sky, But 
Never Asked 
God why


He never looked
Her in the eyes, 


Always settled
For a lower class
Of Flies, 


Got her lies 
Ready for the prize;



Strode the streets
Carrying a scythe; 
Never felt safe
In her own mind,


Never felt her peace
Aligned, Always suffered 
quietly and blind,



Woke up covered
In her own vines, 
Wondered why she
Never shines,



But never asked God
Why He never
Looked her in
The eyes

For the sun trips over my windowsill
Every night, together with my dying grief 
In the form of a sunset, 
I paint your face golden with every brush
Of my fingertips, in hopes I can make
Some part of you glimmer in the night
So I may find you with 
All the lights off 
Like I used to 
A long time ago 

The way the waves crashed
Onto your car that night we met,
Reminds me of what I would
Like to do to you
When no one is watching 

The way you light your cigarette
Should be a crime
And I am guilty of staring too much
And not saying much
But if there was something to tell


 I wish i could have ate the filter 
So at least I'd take a part of you home 
With me

Do you remember how 
We made love like turning 
Off a faucet, not knowing it 
Was broken until 
My whole house had flooded 
With the tears I let drip
Down my sink on nights
Where I wished I felt 
More real, and I wished
You felt 
More here



Do you remember how 
I used to sing your name
Like sirens roaring from
The back of my throat?
How i swallowed that song
Like a crime scene in the night
Still left unsolved for
No one knew who
Had hurt who
And who drew
The knife first but
You've always known I
Was a sorry space of
A poet;


Had bullet pens for fingers
That I used to sharpen every night
Against my tongue;
Effortlessly glided ink in odes 
To a body I used to know, A body I 
Used to hold, onto that empty canvas 
Of a graveyard I'd call home,
Where I buried all the parts
Of me I wished to kill,
Only to see them flourish
Into fruitful gardens around
Your throat; but now

hear me out, my wildflower,

Before you stray too far from me,


Remember how I swore 
You felt like December
Decided not to be
So cold, 
For fragile bones 
Do not survive the winter,


Warm against my skin, you were 
But not burning,


You would come 
To understand this
A little bit
Too late 

Make love to me in a different body, 
Let's both pretend we don't own a heart
And make me remember why i feel so sad
Every time that I wake up,

I don't want to exist only when you look at me
I hate to admit that I miss you even when I blink,


Please don't let me sleep, I am tired of my dreams
Where I play on repeat the last day of you and me


I would have loved for you to love me,
 the sirens in the sewers
Sing to me until i weep, 
Reminiscing of stories where I didn't chew
My fingernails so much 
Until I slowly chewed 
Myself out of the picture, 


Finger by finger, October to August, The yesterday still haunts me


I carry a box of matchsticks to burn away  
The thought of my name sounding like broken glass 
Crashing on the floor, Your name sounding like 
The person who must have caused it


I get used to drifting away with the sound
of my loss in the background, 
Starting to mimic the rhythm of my own heartbeat;
I sleep with one eye open 
Since you've been away


I still remember your dimly lit face 
That night we parted,
Illuminated by the light escaping from my mouth
I tried to shut up in case you thought I was the sun,
I cannot make myself seem like something I am not



I never should have broken my celibacy for a ghost story, 
You were born to almost touch, but never quite feel
falling right through my bitten fingernails,
I always wondered if maybe my hands
Were the problem all along



I hate to admit that i miss you even when i blink,
But i blink too fast when i'm afraid sometimes 

I knew about her
In the past, I'm not
So sure I know
About her now
But I wonder if we'll 
Ever hear her
Sing again,

I tried to steal
Kisses from 
The sun, 

In between

My curtains

I saw clouds

Taunting me,

I wish to get

As close as them
To the light, 

So i may burn off

Like a moth

In the night,

To feel my wings
Dance together
With the winds, 



Forget I was ever
A  body
To begin with, 



Forget I was ever
A body 
To feel with,



A heart the colour
Of the skies, my eyes
a martyr for the blind



i tried to steal kisses
from the sun
But burnt 
My lips in 
The process 

Inside my womb, thrives a nightmare
Of a barren hell,

It lays haunted, as I 
Sleep I dream of
Children crying;

I dream of cradles
Burning into the 
fruitless night, 

My womb, a playground
For the dead,

They call me Mother
Of the unborn ghost, 

The maimer of light;

The birther of death
Onto a sterilized hospital
Bed, 

I have paid to have my 
Insides branded by metal;

And i keep waking up
With the taste of steel
Onto the back of my teeth,

A constant reminder
That i am a thief
Of life itself,


And as an unmarked grave sits 
Somewhere in a landfill, 

I write eulogies on paper
And throw them in every 
Dumpster i can find,
In hopes it ends up
Back to you,



And when i'm gone, my little one
From this place,

Know i hold you deeply 
In my empty heart,

I hear your voice 
Echoing throughout
My scarred tummy,

Singing tales of  
Wednesday mornings
Coming short, 

Birthday candles
Never been blown, 

Still burning inside 
My lungs 
Until i breathe
Too hard one day
And suffocate on 
The fumes of 
My own sin

The sewers flow beneath me like an ocean
As i gasp for air i am reminded
That my lungs do not exist,
Replaced at birth by two giant iron fists;

And if i had to describe it; 
It be almost like the first time
My teeth started to rip 
Through my gums;

In pain, but not able to 
Tell you why or where
It hurts,

And if anyone had the right mind
To tell me I would start to grow
Backwards into the ground;

I would have held onto you
A little bit tighter,
As my hands rip right through your skin,
Residue of your ghost
Stuck onto my fingers

I'd suck on my thumb
Until I fell asleep